yeah...about that dust

Sinead...you were right.



Doubt it'll be settling anytime soon.



::smile and sigh::



But at least we're hoooooooome. Not much feels better!



We're all attempting to normalize again. Into our new normal.



Toby and Bristel missed us so incredibly much. Probably more than we'll ever be able to understand. And it's been interesting. Toby...who vocalized missing us while we were gone...has been buried in his new gadget. A Nintendo DS. Which was an early Christmas present to help with the separation anxiety. But when he's not zoned into fighting off the bad guys on the little glowing screen...he's been moody. Gloomy and cranky. Which I know is just a reflection of the toll this journey has taken on his little sensitive heart. He's only eight after all. Processing all those layers of emotions...way too many emotions for an eight year old if you ask me...can't be easy. Although he's extraordinarily sweet with Trevy. Kissing him often. And telling him he loves him...while giving me the evil eye!



Bristel on the other hand...gave us the cold shoulder while we were apart. Refusing to talk to us on the phone. Or say I love you. Or good night. Telling people at church that "my mommy is never coming home". But when we were finally reunited...she literally jumped into Jonathan's arms. And he's a tall guy. Her anger over our leaving melted away...and has been replaced by lots of hugs and kisses. And cuddling. She's also been super sweet with Trevy. Convinced she's his nurse!



And speaking of Trevy...



He's doing SO great! Really...really...great. Emotionally his happy is etched all over his little crooked smile. He thinks Toby and Bristel are the funniest things ever! And is most content when we're all snuggled up together on the couch. Or in bed. You can almost feel him thinking "ahhhhhh...this is the life for me"! We couldn't agree more!



Physically he's coming along. He's taken a handful of solo steps when prodded. And has been able to sit up and play for longer stretches of time. Although...I've gotta say...it is shocking how quickly he wasted away. Jonathan says Trevy's legs are so skinny now that he could star in a Save the Children commercial! And it's true. He went from chunky booty and thighs...to loose skin hanging from skinny bones. It's hard to look at. But now that he's keeping some food down...we're seeing more desire. More strength. I was getting very worried for awhile there. It felt like his spunk died. And we were SO counting on that spunk. Sometimes we'll see it flicker in his eyes. My heart fills with hope when I see that spunk flicker.



I wish I could say I was over the moon about no seizures. It's been week since that nasty tonic after all. And while that does mean something. My heart is still so...so...worried. Partly because my eyes have seen some weirdness. Jonathan's too. So I know it's not all in my loopy head. It's little stuff. A lip smacking here. An eye deviation there. Two head nod-ish movements. Stuff that most people wouldn't even notice. And honestly...we're not really sure what to make of. It may just be his brain re-wiring. Or something funky like that. We're hoping that direction for sure!



This post is kinda blah, huh? I'm very tired though. And Trevy is very demanding right now.



But I'll try to spice it up by ending on a happy note...



Trevy has been giving Hi-Fives like crazy! On demand...as in when asked! As in...I think he knows what we're saying!




He has never ever not once in his little life given a hi-five! In fact...it was always a little bit annoying when people would ask him for hi-fives. Smiling and hand held up expectantly. Uncomfortable hanging in the air with it. Jonathan and I were never really sure what to do with that. Tell them he doesn't have a clue? Go into a dissertation on seizures...and what was happening inside his little head? Or let them figure it out on their own? It wasn't their fault really. He looked like he should understand. He looked like every other toddler out there. But he wasn't. Not on the the inside. And he isn't now.



But he's giving hi-fives like he could be!