you big baby

Tomorrow is PET scan day.

I was trying so hard to be brave. Care-free. Independant.

I told everybody I was okay going alone. It's only thirty minutes each way...I said. Filling out paperwork by myself would be a breeze with Trevy (starving and) sitting sweetly in his stroller. I'm strong...I could manage holding him down (even if it ripped my bloody heart out) while the IV team (that gosh darn team better be there btw!) attempted to get a line in.

I've been mentally pep talking myself.

Suck it up and stop being such a wuss! You're a strong woman! Brave! You lived in Africa for crying out loud... You can handle this! This is for Trevy...be there for Trevy!

But the relief that overwhelmed me this morning when Jonathan said he was going up with me. And would stay as long as possible. And do the holding during the IV poke. That relief proved otherwise...

Cause the reality is...

I'm as much of a baby as my baby!


Andi said...

I feel the same way.

Except I know that it has to be me. Jon wouldn't be able to take doing it. The fear and the screaming and the tears. Daddies are great, but I don't think they'd handle such things very well. At least, I don't think Jon would. Only a momma can be the kind of strong that our babies need.

You can do it!

Sophie's Story by Elaine said...

Sending hugs and strength your way tomorrow. You are stronger than you think. We put our fronts up. We have to. Then relief comes in and we are allowed to breathe. And then we realize how lucky we are to have such caring and wonderful people in our lives. But that doesn't make you any less strong. I am hoping and praying that you get some answers. The answers we are all hoping and praying for. Because even if you are not ready to go there...to have that option...is just a relief. Amazing though, right??? That it would be a relief to have the option of brain surgery for your child??? Such a hard concept for the mommy brain to wrap itself around.

Andi...Daddies are great but I know what you are talking about. Most of the time, the nurses are more concerned about my husband than they are about my daughter after she has any kind of blood draw or needle poke because he gets white in the face and almost faints. Even the thought of holding her down gets him queasy.

JSmith5780 said...

Definitely no fun to do them alone. I remember one time. As we left, I set Austin on the ground next to the truck while I unlocked it. I forgot that he would be unsteady on his feet and didn't he sway and whack his head on the car next to us. I felt HORRIBLE!

Good luck. I'll be thinking of you!

How's Babu?

Mmmmaaahvelous said...

So glad your hubby was able to go as well. I've done the alone thing too when Bup had surgery...and together is always better.
A doctor once told me there is no medal for bravery in this...no medal for toughing it out. I hold that close on the days I'm emotional.