Wednesday, October 26, 2016

no second thoughts for him

My super power is self-doubt and second guessing. It can eat me for breakfast if I'm not careful. Which is why I make an effort to fill my heart with Truth and lovely things to build immunity against wallowing in the sludge of my own head. Even still...sometimes my flesh is weak.

Today was a self-doubt day.

I worried about bills. I worried about college for kids and how to fund it. I worried about bills. I worried about this and about that. I worried about Trevor. I worried about my choice to home educate him and was it the best or am I failing him.

He has a way of always proving me wrong exactly when I need it.

This is a picture of today's copywork...

And this is a picture from the beginning of the year...

Today's was incredibly beautiful and shows tangible improvement from the beginning of the year. It made me a big sap ball. He LOVES making me sappy. Which only intensifies the sap-fest. I mean, seriously, how can I not weep when he's blinking those wide, sparkling eyes at me? When he pulses with joy and pride, knowing that he's made mommy sappy with his work. Knowing that I love him. That I'm FOR him. That I'm proud of him.

That moment was soul food for me today.

The improvement in his work was reassuring, but mostly my heart sang by embracing the trust and joy he offers me. And one things for sure, he has ZERO second thoughts. 

Tuesday, October 25, 2016

bagels and pranks

I couldn't decide between captioning this photo "The Trouble with Independence" or "Why Trevy isn't Ready to Stay Home Alone...and May Never Be" or "Special Needs Prankster".

Bristel left her bagels on the counter to be creamed while we ran downstairs for a quick lesson on using the washing machine. I'd left Trevor upstairs with his brother. They were both busy doing meaningful things and I thought the couple minutes it'd take would be too short for mischief. 

I realised my mistake when Trevor's cheeky giggle came floating down the stairs ahead of him. The basement is accessible right off the kitchen. He was descending while carrying (precariously, I might add!) the plate he'd prepared for his sister. When asked what in the world he was thinking, his response was simply, "Me think it be yummy!" The twinkle in his eye coupled with his unwillingness to taste his creation begged to differ. The jury is out on whether this was an intentional prank or just a thoughtful mishap. Though leaning towards the former. 

He makes me laugh and surprises me daily.  

And actually, I was very impressed with how nice and neat the plate looked. Not that long ago there would have been Ranch and mustard from one end the kitchen to the other! We've lost many a whole bottle of liquid kids' soap because he couldn't resist the urge to "squeeze whole thing". This prank showed a lot of imagination AND self-restraint.

It's all about the inchstones. 

Thursday, October 20, 2016


This is purely anecdotal.

Trevor had a horrible, rotten, no good day yesterday.

It started with a 2am waking and coming to "the big bed" because he felt sick. Thankfully he slept until the morning.

ABA was a nightmare and the rest of the day wasn't much better. We pushed through and completed mommy school. Then tried to attend a local free karate class. We've been trying it out to see if karate could be a good fit for him. Yesterday we had to leave early. He was freaking out that it was "too loud". Covering his ears and curled in a fetal ball at my feet. I'd managed to tackle him before he bolted right out the door. The class wasn't even loud.

All day long, I carried a pit in my stomach. A seizure mom pit. Something was off. It's a strange and heavy burden to carry. Wondering if your child's brain is being assaulted from within but having little to no tangible external evidence. Not everyone considers "behavior" evidence of neurological activity. And to be completely honest, I didn't know either. I only knew that deep within I felt unsettled and heart sick. 

Thankfully today has been a joyful opposite. He did WONDERFUL in his ABA and worked happily during mommy school. We just wrapped up, actually. He reminded me that I'd forgotten to have him write the date on the calendar. 

I felt my stomach clench when I noticed the marked difference between his penmanship today versus yesterday. (all the other numbers seen were written by me)

Yesterday's number is too large and extremely shaky. It's clear he was struggling to write.

Whereas today's number is tidy and beautiful. 

Yesterday my seizure mom heart was unsettled. Today, it was at peace and joyful.

Yes, it's anecdotal.

But the longer I walk this journey beside him, the more meaningful anecdotal evidence has become.