three weeks is NOT enough

Thursday 12/20/07

You've been in remission for just over 3 weeks. Even though we know the odds are against us - I think Daddy & I had secretly begun to believe that you're one of the miracle babies. And we started breathing a bit easier.

So I have no explanation why I've been so...so...weepy...these past few days. I think it's because you've been acting kinda funny. Kinda like you did right before all of this began. You're not sleeping well. Kinda cranky - which is totally not like you...at least not like the you before IS. Just off - that's the only way I know how to describe it.

And then today when your head dropped like your neck was made of noodles instead of muscles - I couldn't breathe. I was trying to convince myself that it was just my imagination. But you did the noodle neck 7 times in a row. And every u-tube video I've watched of other babies went screaming through my mind. Daddy was there too - and when our eyes met I knew it wasn't in my crazy head. Plus with the way you've been off - it just feels like the ground is shaking again.

Dr. H set up an EEG tomorrow. I'm sorry, sweetie. You're gonna hate being all hooked up again. But we need to see whats going on inside that little brain of your's! Oh God, please let it be drama queen me's over-active imagination - because 3 weeks is NOT ENOUGH!