Wednesday, December 24, 2008

random-nings (Christmas bonus)

Have you heard about the Legend of Christmas Steve?





Really?!





Well...Christmas Steve visits our home every year on the night before Christmas. He leaves special Christmas Steve jamies to be worn that very special night. And stockings filled with preview packages to whet the appetites of rosy cheeked children! Like they need any encouragement...



We just love Christmas Steve! And little girls who have BIG imaginations!



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The Scene: We had a slumber party with the kiddos last night. And for some reason Toby woke me up at 4am...and neither of us could get back to sleep again! Ugh! I am not resilient in the lack of sleep depot! Toby however was none the worse for the wear...


Which is why I croaked out in a grumpy voice...


Tobin...I'm glad you're not cranky like me when you lose sleep...


Toby all bright eyed and bushy tailed responds...


Well you know when you have entertainment like Pokemon to watch or...


(holding out his new gameboy which the big softies (that would be me n' J) couldn't resist giving early)


gameboy to play...


Well...it just really helps your mood!


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Just a random list of places I've found Trevor recently


On top of a (very high) desk...holding the phone

Jumping on the couch

Hiding in the shower

Standing on an endtable...

...unscrewing a light bulb!!!!

Sitting in an empty packing box

Standing on the kitchen table...every time I turn around!

Running away because he noticed my eyes on him...

...and he's holding something naughty! Like the remote. Or his ear drops. Or...well whatever was within climbing reach!


You'd think I'd be skinnier chasing after my monkey!


::smile::


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We have a very special guest...


Fairfax...Marrisa's Bunny!


He'll be bunking with us for awhile. I hope he's handy with a paint brush!



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It's a mixture.


I love this season of life. Little kids. Saying funny things. Doing funny things. Snuggling. And filling me up with warm happy. Jonathan & I making new memories. Buying a house. Painting. Pulling up carpet. And almost cussing every time we prick our fingers on the tacking! We have SO much fun together.


It's really sweet.


But there has been a lot of sad mixed in lately too. It's VERY hard on my heart watching Trevy suffer. Some of the sadness is selfish. And I'm mourning just for me. I did not want or ask for this. In fact...I've always maintained that I couldn't handle a life like this. And that was before I could even have imagined this. But some of the sad isn't for me at all. But because I watch the seizures steal my little boy. Over and over each day. I can't even count the hours that are stolen from Trevor by his monster. And then sometimes the spasms are so violent that he cries. Because it hurts. And all I can do is snuggle him close. And cry. And tell him how much I love him. Nothing else. And I feel very much alone in those moments. And powerless. And faithless. And sour seeps into the sweet.



And not to be all Christmas Sad...



I really do like to keep my random-nings short n' sweet. Smiley.



But today the sadness caught up with me. And I had myself a good Christmas Steve cry. And am feeling much better actually. I'm leaning heavily on the Peace that Passes understanding. And trying to release the sour. Before it turns bitter. And stubbornly crusty in the heart.




And there's an odd mixture to this Christmas season. Sweet n' Sour.