I applied for respite several months ago...
and after working through the multi-layered approval process...
we've finally found an agency...and a CNA...that are a good fit for our needs.
I really had two main goals...
The first being...
to sit through a whole church service.
As opposed to chasing Trevy round & round the mulberry bush. He's just too immature to sit through any class right now. And Sundays were actually torture for me...
between all the rescueing from staircases and such...
and seizures. Gobs n' gobs of seizures.
It was SO fun watching Miss. CNA do the chasing last Sunday! I still handle the seizures...
But I also wanted...
to have an opportunity to spend alone time with the rest of the fam.
Especially...Toby & Bristel.
I feel guilty sometimes. That they're missing mommy. Cause Trevy needs SO much of me.
And what's leftover is either exhausted...sad...or cranky! Not that they've even really complained. They're troopers too!
But...
ya know...
Soooooooo...
yesterday we had a Mommy Date...
just the three of us!
(Trevy & Miss. CNA stayed at home...where he proceeded to nap for the whole two hours! Cheeky baby!)
The sun was (deceptively...it was freezin' on the water) warm n' cheerful...
We swung through Dunkin Donuts for iced coffee & munchkins...
chocolate & glazed please!
And just spent two hours playing...
shasing sea gulls...
collecting shells...
building sand castles...
and memories...
I don't know. I wanted this post to be much hearty-er. Gutsy-er.
But the truth is...
I'm super exhausted.
So I'll just leave it there.
I'm SO happy that I swallowed my pride...or whatever...and asked for help.
For their sake...
Cause I'm not just Trevy's mommy...
and my big bugaboos need me too!
7 comments:
Glad that you got to spend some extra special time with your precious older kids. I'm sure they loved having your undivided attention. I don't know how you do it with 3. ADORABLE PICTURES TOO BY THE WAY!!
love this post - i feel ur heart! & i'm proud of u asking 4 help...i know how hard that is sometimes! these 2 r getting so big & it's so great that u're making a special effort 2 keep that bond strong! totally in awe of ur supermom cape right now! with all that u're going thru & carrying on ur heart - u're doing an amazing job!
xoxox,
sharon
Looks like so much funny. Glad you 3 got some alone time!
I totally get where you are coming from. I try to send my older son Carter and his Mom off together alone when possible, and vice versa. We feel very much like we are neglecting him right now since everything is OK with him.
Of course, the real truth is beyond that we are totally neglecting each other too. We barely talk about anything else but work and Bennett anymore and haven't spent any real time together without the kids in months. So that will need to be addressed too.
Love the pics, looks like a great day.
Monica...it's hard not to take great pics on the beach! Although I do have a friend who keeps telling me I should open my own business... Maybe someday...
Jen...it was SO soul refreshing...for all of us! And Trevy survived just fine with Miss. CNA!
Sharon...I promise I'll return your cape when I'm done! *wink*
Ken...Not to be all vetern IS-ee on you...but the first few months are hard. On the heart. The family. The marraige. I know J & I fought like crazy. We were SO stressed out! I don't think anyone can be prepared for something as radical as life-changing illness. Ya know... But over time...and with effort...we've found more balance. It helps that my mom keeps our two biggest overnights once a week...Trev goes to be early...so it gives us time to just talk. And connect. Annnnd...I'm really really thankful that I applied for nursing hours. I didn't want to. I felt guilty. And weak! *rolling eyes at myself* But the fact is...I need a break. Trevor rarely goes an hour without a cluster...and his seizures are SO consuming that it drains me...never mind him being postictal. I AM! Anyway...all that to say it'll take time...and work...and gutting through...but it does get "better"...
(((hugs everybody)))
...danielle
I'm SO jealous of your Miss CNA!!! Our ECI SW told me that here they recruit family members for the caretaking...and I have none that do not have 9 to 5's!!
But...even with the jealousy ;)...
I'm thrilled for you!!! I seriously don't know how you've handled three for so long without help...just ONE is exhausting!!
I'm so proud of you & happy for you and all your family. It'll benefit everyone!
I hope they gave you lots of hours so that you can enjoy church and all sorts of time for you and some individual dates w/ kids & even hubby!
How wonderful to have a beach close by! Can you read jealous in this?!:)
The pics are wonderful and brought tears to my eyes. What a super, super day!
Enjoy many mnore.
M
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