Sunday, May 17, 2009

tears flow...

This week has been swimming in tears.



We got the call last Tuesday. That Jonathan's dad had passed. Was released. Walking with Jesus.



And tears flowed...


*******

"When words fail, tears flow.


Tears have a language all their own, a tongue that needs no interpreter. In some mysterious way, our complex inner-communication system knows when to admit its verbal limitations...and the tears come.


Eyes that flashed and sparkled only moments before are flooded from a secret reservoir. We try in vain to restrain the flow, but even strong men falter.


Tears are not self-conscious. They can spring upon us when we are speaking in public, or standing beside others who look to us for strength. Most often they appear when our soul is overwhelmed with feelings that words cannot describe...


Did you know that God takes special notice of those tears of yours?" --- Charles R. Swindoll exerpt taken from For Those Who Hurt


"You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book." --- Psalms 56:8


*********


It has been a week swimming in tears...



of sorrow.



And faith.



Hurt.



And hope of things to come.



A week of words not being enough. And tears flowing in their place.



********



Shortly after the service ended Friday afternoon I felt my cell vibrate. It surprised me. My phone has been eerily quiet this week.



Sometimes things in life are woven together in such a way that we stop and take notice.



Some call it fate.



Or maybe karma.



Irony perhaps.



To me...it is Providence.



On the other end of the phone was Dr. Rockstar. With words that choked my own. And made the tears flow anew...



only these are tears of joy. Of miracles made with scaples. And baby boys with shaved off curls...potentially made whole... Dr. Rockstar made no promises. More testing is needed. But he offered a strong dose of hope that surgery is indeed an option for Trevy. My amazing. Courageous. Seizure saturated baby boy.



That day will be etched in my memory forever. The sadness of saying goodbye. Mingled with joy of my son's future possibly changing. My words are hiding. Even this post has been a struggle. They know they are not adequate to record all that this week has meant. Or might mean...



The tears flowing down my cheeks have a better shot...

18 comments:

Andi said...

Oh Dear!

I am so sorry for you and your family. Words are never enough.

And at the same time, my heart soars for Trevy. Such a scary, yet joyous, response from the neuro. I hope it works out well and you all will come for a visit and Trevy will be well.

Monica, James, Connor McGuire said...

Wow, what a post. The tears are flowing here for you. Maybe J's dad was up above giving a little extra nudge. Just know that there is an extra special angel watching out for your precious Trevor now. Maybe in some strange way this is why things have happened the way they have. Please don't think i'm crazy, i just have a special way of thinking about guardian angels. Once again i'm so sorry about J's dad, but I'm thankful he is no longer suffering. May God be with your family now, and in the upcoming days. {{{hugs}}}

maddiegorman said...

I, too, am so sorry for J's dad and the loss for your whole family. What an emotionally exhausting week!

I am thrilled to hear that Dr Rockstar may be able to really do something for Trevor. I think we too will be seeking his help soon. I just feel like it is silly not to.

Praying for your family with all the highs and lows of the week!

Liz, Maddie's mama

Katie Ireland said...

You amaze me! Your post was touching, beautiful and heart wrenching!
I too believe and have faith.

Sometimes tears help you to see clearer.

Prayers to you and your troop...
Katie

JSmith5780 said...

Hey Danielle- rejoice in knowing J's Dad is free. And as everyone said, there is someone up above pulling strings for Trevy now. I am so glad you got the call from Dr C on a day you needed a little joy.

Hugs to you and J and the kids. I'll talk with you soon!

Jen

P.S. How did Mom fare? Was she just as happy to have you home as you were to be home?

baby trevor's mommy said...

Thank you to everybody for the thoughts & prayers...

Andi...we actually had a layover in Detroit yesterday. I thought of you...and Emma...

Monica...what can I say? I love you...and your little man! (((hugs)))

Liz...agreed. It's silly not to persue Dr. Chugani if you can. I have to say...just speaking to him on the phone helped me feel his compassion. It was nice. It's scary...and overwhelming thinking about all the details involved in going...but at this point for us...it's worth it.

Katie...I love that! Tears help you see clearer. Now I'm all misting up again! Thanks sweetie...I think of you & Lauren often.

Jen...Trev did SO good for my mom that she claims she'll be having sleepovers once a month! And Bristel asked if she could go back to Grams' house today! lol xoxo

I'm off to bed. We're exhausted in every way you can think of...

...danielle

baby trevor's mommy said...

ps. Monica...I forgot to add that I totally absolutely postively believe in gaurdian angels!

...d

Holli said...

So very sorry to hear the news of your father in law's passing. I dare to imagine the mixed emotions you all must be feeling at this moment. On the other hand, I'm so relieved to hear that Trevy will be considered further as a candidate! You guys so needed a little boost this week. HOPE!

Thinking of you all...
Holli

Abbe said...

it's so good to have an update from you. y'all have been burned on my heart all week. i'm guessing that if you're at home now you didn't get to meet aunt deb and uncle dave. :( we all really want to meet you one of these days..... we're convinced you're our kind of gal. :) congrats on the news from dr. rockstar. i'm anxious to hear how things unfold!!!

xoxo,
abbe

Colby said...

I am so very sorry...I don't know anything that I can say that hasn't been said before...And I know from experience that there really are no words, as hard as we try....But please know that I am right there feeling this with you y'all....What a rollercoaster of emotions....I DEFINITELY believe that the timing of the phone call was Granddaddy's doings...How could it NOT be? You need it right then...That says it all...

Thank you so much for sharing your feelings...You continue to inspire us every day with your beautiful words....

You probably have heard this before, but I will share it since it helped me so very much when I recently lost Daddy:

Death is nothing at all.
I have only slipped away into the next room.
I am I, and you are you;
Whatever we were to each other, That we are still.
Call me by my old familiar name;
Speak to me in the easy way
Which you always used.
Put no difference in your tone.
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow. Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me, play for me.Let my name be ever the household word that it always was.
Let it be spoken without an effort, without the ghost of a shadow on it. Life means all that it ever meant.
It is the same as it ever was; There is absolutely unbroken continuity. What is death but a negligible accident?
I am but waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near, just round the corner.
All is well.

~Canon Henry Scott Holland
(1847-1918)

Aunt Deb said...

I was hoping to give hugs, share tears and blow noses together today,but it sounds like we could see you soon in Detroit! You know we will be there...visitation went well, I think. I really felt our Lord's presence there, and a room filled with love for your family, and especially Tom. We continue to pray for Trevy, and you all!

blogzilly said...

Beautifully written sentiments...I'm sorry for your loss, I'm hopeful for your gain.

When will you be seeing the Doc again to further explore the surgical angle?

Adesta said...

So sorry to hear about J's dad's passing. Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you all!

On the other side of the spectrum, I'm ecstatic to hear about Trevy's possibility of surgery! I've always believed in the saying, "When one door closes, another opens". I'm 100% positive that J's dad is proud to have the door to his life closed so that a new door for Trevy could be opened. I know that sounds kind of morbid, but I don't mean it to be.

{hugs}

~Mama Skates~ said...

love, more love & even more love 2 u & the fam - as u say goodbye 2 J's dad...& welcome the possibility of a miracle procedure 4 ur beautiful boy! been thinking about u a lot lately - hugs & kisses sweets!

sharon

Shanna Grimes said...

So sorry to hear about J's dad, but have faith that he is at peace. It is so hard to say good bye. It's bittersweet because you are glad they are no longer suffering, but struggle with wanting them here. Hugs your fam.

I absolutely agree with Monica on the guardian angels thing. The timing of all of it. Hopes and prayers for the possibility of surgery for Trevy.

JSmith5780 said...

Test.

Just checking my new graphic. No need to approve. Does it look ok or too small?

baby trevor's mommy said...

Abbe...it was a hard choice. But we really felt like we needed to get home to be with Trevy...and that Jonathan needs his time for the surgery. *sigh* Why is nothing easy?! And so long as your kinda gal is...flighty...flakey...talks too much especially when nervous...freaked out by flying...bringin' the sexy back to chubby...huggy...laughy again especially when nervous...ummmm...I'm sure there's more. But if that describes your kinda gal...than I'm it! *wink*

Cyndi...(((hugs))) thank you...the poem is lovely.

Aunt Deb...you don't know how happy it makes me to know you'll be there! I'll need all the hugs I can get!

Ken...I know Chugani is out of the country the first week in June. The plan is for me to get him a past & present EEG...plus some neurological summaries...and we'll schedule a quickie meet. He needs to actually do a clinical visit with Trevor pre-surgical presentation. But from our chat the other day...it sounded like this would move quickly? A blessing and a curse...

Adesta...I believe it too...

Sharon...lots of love back to you...my amazing courageous friend! I'd squeeze you if I could!

Shanna...hugs back sweetie!

Jen...sorry but I couldn't see the image w/o approving the message. *smile* It's cute...but I think it could be squished a little smaller maybe? It looks a tab bit stretched out...

To all those who have emailed rather than commenting...thank you so much for the thoughts & prayers & words of encouragment. It is comforting...


...danielle

Margo said...

I'm so sorry to hear about Jonathon's dad. I'm sorry he and his family had to endure the pain of cancer and loss. Always unfair...always hard.

Prayers for Dr. Rockstar coming through for Trevy and that surgery will be successful. It'll be worth losing those beautiful curls and regrowing them. Imagine how sparkly his eyes will be with no hair. They'll just jump out at you!