the morning after

I was SO not prepared for the emotional toll waiting to sucker punch us on the other side. The 1o hours later side. I suppose I was expecting choirs of angels and lazy floating bubbles filling the halls when it was over? You know...I thought we were different than everybody else!


But alas...we are not. And instead we have irregular heartbeats and utterly saturating exhaustion. Every fiber of my being is exhausted. Just flippin' exhausted.

Trevy is doing good. He seems comfy...and pain free. He looks good even. Although Dr. Rounds hinted that we'll most likely be spending another night in the PICU. And that if Trevy's heartbeat continues to be irregular there will be a CAT Scan later today. It's a potential clot indicator. Has me edgy. Although I was already edgy. Ummmm...Jonathan may feel inclined to use a different adjective. And I couldn't argue. The thing about Jonathan is...during times like this...the crisis times...he's always amazingly caring and gentle. I do have good taste in men.

Trevy had a little juice. He looked so adorable with his baby birdie lips trying to suck the drops from the straw. So far...it's staying down.

He keeps lifting his left hand and studying it. Open fingers. Close fingers. Turn hand around and study the other side. Then repeat. Jonathan and I think it's so beautiful and cute. Of course...then his little right arm will struggle to lift. He's gotten it up a little bit then it flops back to the bed. And I know...in my mommy gut...that he's wondering why the heck he can't make it do the same! He's been able to wiggle his right toes. But the leg hasn't budged. I know this is all supposed to be temporary...but still...

We have seen some myoclonic-y seizures. But no clusters!


Do I sound tired? I feel SO tired. I just want to be at home. With this drama safely behind us. I want to hug Toby and Bristel. And shampoo my carpets. And bake cookies. Take the kids to soccer practice. And be normal.

If we're stuck in the PICU overnight you all may be in trouble. Means more time for pensive posting! Unless Nurse PICU has her way. She keeps suggesting we go do something. Even gave us directions to Walmart. I think we're driving her nuts asking questions...startling at beeping noises...and concerned staring at the yellow flashing irregular heart beat screen.

Maybe we should go do something...


Sinead said...

Your child just had a ten hour brain surgery and his nurse wants you to go to Wamart... Is she nuts???

Poor Trevor. It must be so confusing. I remember after Emmas surgery she woke up and gave the saddest little moan as if to say "what have you done to me" and it just about broke my heart.

Be strong. Be who you are Danielle.

Anonymous said...

I would be inclined to ignore Nurse PICU. I'm inclined to suggest you have some music you and J enjoy. Don't worry about us if using the wifi helps you. Now that you have stopped driving with your eyes on the rear view mirror, try to take your foot off the accelerator, eh?
Love and prayers,

baby trevor's mommy said...

Right now...Trevy is being a trooper. Limited fussing. Drinking some juice. Just so sweet.

I know Nurse PICU is really trying to be helpful. We like her. She just said...she's with him 24/7...they have our contact info...and that we should try to rest and relax before he goes up to the regular floor where we won't have full time nursing.

Bibi is spotting us while we go shower.


Liz said...

Some PICU nurses like to be left alone to do their job, but don't leave because SHE tells you to. Leave if you think it will help you clear your head. This is your baby and an incredibly diificult day is behind but an incredibly difficult recovery is ahead. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself for when you are caring for him full time. Sometimes a power nap can really help.

Prayers coming for all of you.

Kristine said...

So glad that everything is going relatively smoothly.

I know Nurse PICU means well, we got the same kid of suggestions....while our daughters life was on the line. Sigh. No thanks. I think they are really unable to put themselves in your shoes after doing what they do for so long.

Thinking of your little boy.

Lisa said...

I'm sorry you have any little details to worry about, but something that the neurosurgery CNP told me made me feel better...he said every child has their own little issue after surgery, and it's just a matter of managing it and resolving it as it comes. It just sucks to be the parent and agonize over every detail.

Anonymous said...

Walmart? Hardly relaxing. If you leave, may I suggest getting out of the hospital for some deep breaths of fresh air. A walk in the park. Can you fnd a fireplace with comfy seating nearby? (sometimes even an Old English pub fits the bill.) I realize its in the mid-50's but its always a good day for a fire at my house. Five minutes there and I'll bet you would be off into a well needed and deserved snooze. Wish I could loan you my couch and fireplace. I'd throw in a pillow and a side helping of comfort food.

Taking care of yourself is a very important element of taking care of Trevor. I know that you know that, but might need an occasional reminder.

I don't suppose Walmart has...oh, nevermind. Just best wishes for everyone. We are all thnking of you.


Melanie said...

If you guys need a little break I an come and bring you wantever..

Trying taking a nap..yea I know, I'm sure its near impossible..

Anonymous said...

Uhh, Walmart in Detroit does not sound relaxing to me:) A shower is a good idea though....

Trevy looks good! We called Trevor our little birdie too. Opening his mouth for juice with his eyes swollen shut...oh, breaks my heart!!

Hang in there..you guys are all doing great.


KC's Mama said...

Shampoo your carpets?! Girl you are a trip ; )
I'm just teasing...I couldn't help but laugh because when I posted on Facebook that I had just got done shampooing my carpets, everyone was like "ugg" or "I need to do mine", but you say " I love shampooing my carpets!" It made me smile and so did reading that today. And I really am just teasing. Hopefully you could use some humor right about now: )
I hope that before you know it, you have your sweet boy home in your arms with Toby and Bristol by your side...wait, scratch that. With Jonathan holding your sweet boy so you can be shampooing ; )
Prayers as always. Hang in there sweetie.


JSmith5780 said...

All rgeat advice above. Trevy looks great, but he neesd time to recover. SO DO YOU. Take what little breaks you can. You need to be healthy and strong to care for him.

Kelly Bouchard said...

A Joke for Bristel:

"knock knock"

"who's there"


"Oswald who?"

"Oswald my bubble gum"


(Love you guys to pieces! Hang in there)