11.16.2009

moods

I woke up in a mood. A funky. Cranky. Grrrrrr. Mood.



I promise you Toby and Bristel wish it was a Grams day. Trevy is still immune to any sort of crankiness. By that I mean...it's hard to get mad at him. What with the scar parting his hair and all.



Bleh!



It's this mood thing. I just can't seem to shake it. Cause even though I say "I woke up" with it. Truth is...I've been cranky for days now. Today just seems dialed up a notch.



Didn't help when I tried calling the hubs to talk about it. Not only wasn't he helpful. He didn't have time to not be helpful. Which just further pi$$ed me off.



I've spent the better part of the day mulling. Trying to figure out what the heck is wrong.



And honestly...the last thing I want to be doing is sitting here. Blogging. It doesn't feel comfy. It feels forced. Like I've lost my mo-jo. Have I? Lost my mo-jo?



Oh good grief.



Wait...



...hang on...



Almost done licking the crumbs from the bottom of the Originals Chips bag.



Maybe that'll help.


















Nope.



I hate cranky days! The worst part about hating being cranky...is that instead of it flipping the Happy Switch...it just seems to make the cranky sink deeper in.



Oh...and by the way...I vaccinated Trevor today for the Swine Flu. It is the first vaccination he's recieved since his 6 months well visit. So this was a big deal. And I'm more than willing to blame "the mood" on it. At least in part. See I have been consumed with hemming and hawing for weeks now. And I DO NOT WANT to share this publicly. Just in case I made a mistake. A really really big mistake. I just have this silly integrity issue. And my integrity won't let me keep it on the DL. Because I would want to know. I have, in fact, pried into the vaccination life of others. And sought advice regarding this issue.



So there. I drove him to the clinic. Read the literature. Swallowed the lump in my throat. Signed the paper work. And let her jab him with the stupid stuff.



No skeletons in my closet!



Isn't it so bizarre how we can crazy talk ourselves.



One day I'd tell myself that there's no way he could survive 100s of thousands of seizures and radical brain surgery...just to die from a flu.



::laugh laugh laugh::



The next I'd be like, there's no way he could survive 100s of thousands of seizures and radical brain surgery...just to die from a flu shot.



::laugh laugh laugh...choke!::



Can he????



Guess we'll know in 3 to 4 days.


13 comments:

Sophie's Story by Elaine said...

I don't know if your funk is because of this but...for me...post-op emotions were VERY HARD to deal with. I thought I would be full of joy and hope. But I wasn't. I just felt like I lost my Sophie. She was so different on some levels. And it was hard to deal with. She is now almost 6 months post-op and my mood is starting to stabilize. At least for the moment. It was REALLY, REALLY HARD for me to sort through these emotions. They overwhelmed me.

Hugs to you and I hope you feel better soon.

Katy Duddridge said...

Sorry to hear you're feeling so fed up.
We're umming & ahhing about the Swine Flu thing here, haven't been asked to come forward for the jabs yet so no decision had to be made yet.

We are a month away from hospital admission, getting excited and nervous too.....

Can you borrow a hard drive thingie, desperate to see photos!

kt x

MJStump said...

danielle,

so sorry to hear that you are in a mood. i can only imagine that it must be a culmination of things that are catching up with you, and then the added bonus worry of the flu shot.

whatever it may be it has floated its way to kansas...i am soooo ready for hubby to get home from work, so i can go hide and have some quiet. kylie is in rare form today...nothing but fussing and screaming at just about everything.

tomorrow is kylie's 12 month check-up and we know it will be the dreaded question about getting her back on schedule for her shots...umm, can you say scared mom and dad. i wonder if we will ever be ready. with her recent superly suspicious activity, i think that gives us a pass to say we are going to hold off until we know what is going on.

sorry, i am sooo rambling when i should put all of this on our blog. i am too chicken to do that, because that makes it all more real and im not sure i am ready for that.

hope the mood swings on out with a lighter, and happier one to replace it, so you are feeling more like you.

love and hugs,
jody

Katie Ireland said...

I hate the whole immunization topic! It just makes me more of a spaz... if that's possible!?!

All three of my kids were sick last week with high temps. Watched Lauren like a hawk...

Preforming "scrub-down number 3" as we speak.

Hang in there...
Katie

Monica~ James~ Connor said...

{{{{HUGS}}}}

you sound like you need some! I would imagine it has alot to do with Trev's surgery. i don't think you can see your child like that and not have it affect you emotionally.

As far as the vaccination goes, you have to do what feels right for your child. Luckily we've all already had the actual h1n1 so I didn't have to make that decision thankfully!! I'm sure he will be fine!!! Don't be so hard on yourself.

Hope you feel spunky again soon!! xoxoxo

Sinead said...

PTSD is very common in Moms after a hospital stay with a child. Something to do with our heightened level of protectiveness. We tend to fall apart when it's over.

Hope all goes well with the vaccine. I have Emma and her Dad booked in for the shot on Friday. I might have to cancel. It's a seizure fest over here today.

Adesta said...

Sorry to hear you are cranky...I've been the same way lately, but I don't think my crankiness compares to yours...I've just been over-tired for some reason...

Hoping the crankies leave soon and that you are feeling back to your old self in no time. {hugs}

Lisa said...

If this helps any, Daniel and Julia both got the H1N1 vaccine...no problems so far. But I know the worry! I know it all too well. Hang in there...hope you're mood is better today.

~Mama Skates~ said...

u're so damn brave! 2 go thru with it...2 talk about it...2 just "go there" each & every time u feel like crawling in a hole! i love u! & i love ur honesty! i hate that u're feeling crappy - wish i could help! just know we haven't forgot about u & Trevy & that amazing fam u've got there...the surgery may b over, but i can't imagine the road u still have 2 travel...seems 2 me that moods r mos def allowed! hope u're feeling better soon tho!

xoxoxox,
sharon

JSmith5780 said...

We all get in blogging funks. Notice I have been quiet too?

As for the PTSD that Sinead mentioned, after our last inpatient stay in Boston (4 days, much easier than 2+ weeks) they asked me to participate in a study on how the PARENTS respond to long admissions. The questions they asked were very interesting... about depression, changes to sex life, etc. I'd love to read the final study report.

As for the H1N1... my kids got the injections, with the thimerasol. At the same time they got seasonal flu mist. They ended up getting sick. Ped said "assume it's H1N1 because we haven't seen seasonal flu yet" and they must have been exposed prior to the injections. IDK, it's a tough call. Hope he's ok today!

KC's Mama said...

This is one of those darned if ya do and darned if ya don't situations. I am quite sure that your mommy instinct led you to make the right decision in getting Trevy the shot. For what it's worth, I think it's relatively safe. (And you know how I feel about shots:) And the swine flu is pretty bad for the neuro-diverse group.
I hope your mood gets better soon! If not, you are certainly entitled to some crankies.

Karen

Colby said...

We were SUPPOSED to go today for both of us (me as his caretaker) to get the H1N1...Too many seizures...Maybe tomorrow...We had the seasonal shot about a month ago...My sis and all her family had the H1N1 mist and did beautifully...

I do think you made the right decision....You always do about your boy....

He'll do fine....

As for your mood? It CAN'T be what I am going through (Being 52!)...You have a BETTER excuse...I'll bet your adrenalin has FINALLY stopped rushing around in your body from the surgery....

Everything will even out soon...You hang in there....

We love you!

Cyndi

Mrs. M said...

Danielle,
Hang in there sweetie!
And please....give yourself and heart a break. You are doing your absolute best for your littlest lovebug. That's all there is and it's the most important.
This whole H1N1 issue is so emotional. It's hard.
Your mojo? It's still there. You have every right to have a day or week or month feeling crummy. Isn't this normal? There's been alot on your plate...on your heart.
Roll on Rollercoaster.
Your family is blessed to have you as their wife and momma. Always keep that thought in your pocket on the crummy days....and if that doesn't work...
popcorn does at my house!:)
M