Monday, January 18, 2010

angel with a crooked grin

Trevy had a well visit last Friday. Evidently so did a whole buncha other families. Cause the waiting room was packed to capacity!



It just felt so surreal. For me. Actually, I'm not sure if I'll ever get used to knowing. What he's battled. And survive-ing.



But sitting there especially. Our first time back to the doctors. Since. Last time we sat in that room it was saturated with the seizures of (one of) the most courageous little boy I know. But not this time. This time it was saturated with all those rugrats running around. Trevy...all smiling eyes and crooked grin...right in the middle of the chaos. Soaking in everything. While I soaked him in. My heart so very full.



Pondering.



Overflowing.



Spreading upwards. Causing my eyes to shine so deeply I could feel the emotion ready to spill.



What a little miracle he is! Always has been!



His curls (that's right...we have CURLS!) have grown in enough that his scar is camoflauged. Mostly. Although even when it was glaring...it never seemed like anybody noticed anyway. Or at least they didn't want to ask. I was kinda hoping someone would. Cause even though I try really hard to control my(verbose)self...and not say anything. A part of me feels like everyone who meets him should know. That this little boy. With the crooked angel grin. Is an amazing. Brave. Scar headed. Miracle!



But he didn't really look like a miracle. There in the middle of all the kids. He just looked like one of them. And it was beautiful. And enough. That I knew.




And when he found the books. Over across the room. Books are his passion these days. When he chose one. And turned to flash his crooked grin. Just for me. Eyes shining. No longer foggy. And haunted. Just joyful. And beaming. Locked with mine from the other side of the room.



In that moment. Right in the middle of the waiting room. I thought my heart might burst.



Nope.



I'm not sure I'll ever get used to knowing...



...to belonging to that angel with the crooked grin!

13 comments:

Alicia said...

You have no idea what that meant to me today. I don't ever want to forget where we came from....or what Remy has overcome. Trevey IS a miracle (isn't it exciting when IS finally just means "is"). Thanks.

The Blatchford Family said...

Beautiful! I can only imagine...

I really hope to be in that same place someday, looking back and remembering seizures as something from the dark distant past.

Regardless, our children are all little miracles who have fought (and are fighting) so hard each and everyday. I am so so happy for you and your family, and little Trevy.

Joanne said...

He is a miracle child from conception!! I want to kiss that crooked smile and may have the opportunity in July. Hug all the kids for me. Thanks for the update and the uplifting blog today. I needed this too. It has been a little too quiet in my house and I miss my "little ones." Love, Bibi

~Mama Skates~ said...

beautiful.

therextras said...

"There in the middle of all the kids. He just looked like one of them." I thought you were going somewhere else with this. Well, I was wrong, but no matter.

LOVE the new banner! Thank you!

Barbara

baby trevor's mommy said...

Leesh...ditto to your post! Made me teary!

B fam...we all need those beautiful powerful moments. I had them with Trevy when he was seizing too. Just different shades of beauty. (((hugs)))

Bibi...he may even be able to say your name by then!

Sharon...beautiful like your cakes! lol

Barbara...hmmmmm...sometimes things don't flow from my heart's eye to the post. He did look like one of the other kids. But different too. Glowy. Innocent. Courageous. Old soul. Twinkling eyes like he knows a secret. He is so very amazing! Actually...I find there is a similiar "something" in the faces of other IS kiddos. Maybe it's something special they share?

Anyway...

...danielle

baby trevor's mommy said...

Oh...and thank you for the banner comp! I worked haaaard on it today! And really like how it turned out too! I've been meaning to "clean up" for awhile...Trevy took an extra long nap so I could!

...d

Adesta said...

First thing I noticed was the change in the banner! That pic of Trevy is so perfect. I love how his eyes just grab a hold of you and keep you staring at him.

He's precious and yes, certainly, definitely, a miracle.

JSmith5780 said...

(isn't it exciting when IS finally just means "is").

ABSOLUTELY AGREE!!

MJStump said...

i love the top pic of trevor! it is beautiful :)

how awesome that must have felt for you seeing trevy blend into the herd of kiddos at the docs office. makes me teary because i wonder, hope, and pray that kylie will fall into place one day too.

there is soooo much life ahead of them, but one day at a time right :) too bad we are already thinking about their future and wondering how much will match with what we have pictured for them.

love, hugs, and prayers,
jody

Anonymous said...

Fabulous post Danielle :)

Tears to my eyes, as usual.

And I totally relate to that feeling of wanting people to ask, i almost 'dare' them to! (so of course they don't as i must look like a right loon!!)

H is doing very well too, may all the IS sufferers get freedom from the monster, kt x

Lisa said...

Love the blog makeover! And yes, our kids truly are miracles. Your post made me teary too.

Colby said...

Gorgeous photo of Trevy to greet us! The blog looks FANTASTIC! HE looks fantastic!

I read this holding my breath...And then, I, too, was thrilled to see that this was, on the outside anyway, a "normal" doctor's visit....HOORAY!!!

I have used the phrase about "having a secret" many times myself through Colby's life....And when my Daddy's ALS pretty much parylyzed him from the neck down, Colby would lean over to him, both in their wheelchairs, and Daddy would whisper to him about their "secret"....and Colby would just laugh and laugh....

Our kids DO have a secret.....So true, girl!!!

Cyndi