I hate my couch

Completely random.  Seemingly pointless.

Yet so utterly true.  

I hate my couch.  I hate hate hate it! 

I hate the way the cushions slide off every time any one sits on it.  Cross my heart I must reposition everything a hundred times a day.  I hate the slow slide that happens while watching tv.  There I am...innocently catching the latest Apprentice.  Not even moving.  Afraid to breath too deeply for fear of the cushion scooch.  And yet scooch they do anyway.  And suddenly my derriere is resting in the gap between the scooched out bottom cushions and the pillow cushions behind!  I hate that!  And will jump up and reposition everything with a vengeance.  I hate the ten years worth of dust that poofs into the air with even the featheriest touch.  Which accomplishes two things.  1) Perpetual sneezing.  2) The need to dust several times a day.  I hate the too big slip cover.  Purchased to hide the ten years worth of wear n' tear.  Gobs of extra material was not a great trade off for hiding of flaws.  It only serves to drive me batty every time I look at it!  I hate the lumpy, deflated pillow cushions that grace the back.  Why did I ever choose a couch with pillow cushions across the back?  Bleh.  The dog loves to scratch and punch them into the perfect lounging position (if you're a dog).  Which inevitably scooches the bottom cushions out.  For me to yet again re-whack into an orderly non (OCD) offensive way. 

I could go on all day about all the things I hate about my couch.  


And yet...

So many memories are carried in all those itty bitty dust particles.  Some have traveled half way around the world and back.  Little specks of Africa flutter around our house with every couch touchage.  The smell of three babies worth of spit up accosts my nose when I'm stuck between the scooched out bottom cushions and perpetually needing plumping back pillow cushions.  I still remember how giddy I was picking it out.  My first piece of real furniture.  With my newly wedded hubby by my side.  We'd pinched and squeezed $350.00 together.  And this was our prize.  

I didn't always hate it.  In fact, I used to love it once upon a time.  

And there will always be a part of me that goes sappy for it.  

But the time has come...

out with the old - in with the new!  

You know you agree, hon! 

And I hear this weekend will be perfect for couch purchasing!?


Anonymous said...


Oh Danielle. I grew up with your couch's cousin. When new, it was leather, which pretty much held the down feather filling in place, and the couch always looked "in shape" and had no dust particles inbedded. As time went by, Mom had to have it re-upholstered...in gold velour??? Yeah those were the days.

Pretty much always looked a mess thereafter but...boy!...how cozy. Like having a feather bed in front on the TV and fireplace. Back then there was only one TV per house and no remote control. So once you choose a station, you stayed pretty much locked into it.

These days I would hate to think about how I would get up out of that couch. Something like rolling onto my knees and pulling myself up. Ewww. Ugly thought. And I'm only 54.

But a suggestion...Mom eventually had foam rubber cushions put on the seats. Much better to look at. She is about OCD as you.

Loved the couch story. I had to go back and look at the iPad post to see the couch you were refering to you.

You make me smile. That is quite a gift.


Mrs. M said...

I'm waiting for pics of the comfy, new, non-sliding, non-sucking you in couch.

Sinead said...

I like the EKTORP from IKEA. I had low expectations when I purchased it for $350 or $400. Its been amazing and has stood up very well to Emma for two years. The back cushions do slide from time to time but they go back up with a little prodding. And you can buy extra slip covers too.

Kristen said...

Oh oh!! Trip to Ikea??? :)