totally potty ready (or not) here I come!

Bleh.  BlehBleh.

In case you were wondering how I feel about the topic. 

I am not a potty mommy.  Never have been.  Not even with the other two neuro typical rugrats.  Which is to say, I was not all dancing a jig about potty training my not-so-neuro-typical Trevy.  It's just that I was convinced he was ready.   

And things started off so well too.  No accidents at school the very first "try it out" day.  Which was a Friday and also why I don't count the accident brimming weekend that followed.  Because the week next chased with only an accident or two a day.  Pretty soon I was bragging that he was going to be a piece of cake.  Easy. Breezy. Peasy. Mommy knows best, after all.  He's totally ready.  

Um.  Yeah.  Right.  Maybe not so much? 

And it's driving me bonkers!  The constant inner questioning of my Trevy mommy skills is on overdrive.  The constant wondering if I'm pushing too soon.  Or using the wrong technique.  Reading the wrong books.  Buying the wrong undies.  And for the love of all that is holy just how did I manage training the other two?  Maybe I should take another Building Patience Workshop before going all in on the potty thing.   Or maybe I should just cut my losses.  Maybe Trevy's (mommy is) just not ready! 

The past two months have been a (tinkle soaked Super Why undies) bag of mixed emotions and second guessing.  And it does not bring out the best of my Trevy's mommy colors, either.     

 I so want to be the kinda potty mommy that inspires this scene...

Instead...I find myself fighting off the urge to give this technique a go...

That said, Trevy is probably at a 75% pee pee on the potty success rate between home & school.   And he's mastered the art of the forced...ahem...toot.  For the Trevy record, the bathtub boofs are the best.  Boys. So, it's not all a wash.  Unless you're the keeper of the laundry.  Which I am.  Then it feels like it actually is all nothing but a load of accident (and disappointment) drenched character sporting smelly big boy pants.       

Furthermore.  Because, yes...I'm allowed to use my one free grump-fest a month card if I want to!  As I was saying, furthermore...he still isn't telling us when he has to tinkle.   And by telling I mean...signing, approximating, grunting, groaning, pointing, leg crossing, hiding, guilty faced.  Nuthin.  Not a peep.  Despite my reminding him a thousand times a day to "tell mommy if you have to go potty" and "don't pee pee on Mickey Mouse's face, Trevy, that wouldn't be nice".  Despite the over the top happy dancing when he's successful.  Despite the m&ms.  Despite the stickers.   Despite the hawk-eyes I have on him all day long. Does he care that I'm hoarse with all the potty mommy coaching?  Nope.  He doesn't even bother to tell us when he has an accident.  He just waddles around in wet pants until somebody either slips in a puddle or sits in one.  Where he left it to marinate.  On the couch.  My new couch.  Which coincidentally...will not fit in the wash. 

I've been second guessing myself on his potty readiness.   I've been second guessing myself on my readiness!  I've been second guessing everything

A few weeks ago I was just so sure. 

You know...

that he was...


Because I'm mommy.  His mommy.  And I'm fluent in Trevy reading.  Aren't I? 

I'm not so sure anymore. 

But then most everything when it comes to Trevy is a guessing game.  A constant tug of war with trial and error. Sometimes I get overly confident and think what a master at reading his body language (because his verbal language  likes playing hide-n-seek sometimes) I've become.  Only to go and get it all wrong.  When I get it all wrong I go to my back-up plan.  Ask the other mommies about how they did such n' such.   How their child accomplished such n' such. Which can be depressing if it took longer than anticipated.  Or worse if it took less than where we're at.  But as much as I value their input.  Crave it.  Lean on it.  Believe it's a valuable tool on this journey.  The idea that I keep coming back to is...

Trevy is writing his own story.  Which if I were choosing the name would absolutely be Happy Being Trevy

It suits him so well.

And yet I keep trying to write it for him.  I keep trying to erase this.  Add that.  Grasping for the ending of my dreams.  Not his.  Not His.  

So, you ask, is Trevy potty ready?

I really couldn't say.  I have not a clue!   

But I do know this.  I'm not giving up.  We'll keep working at this until he gets it.  Until he moves from partly ready...to totally ready.  On his timeline.  The one he's using to write his story.  The one that was Written for him.  The one where I'm just his mommy.  And he's just happy being Trevy.  And while he saturates my couch (Among other things.  Which, at this rate, is likely to be everything.) I'm going to  work on saturating him with unconditional love and encouragement.  I'm going to try to plug up the oozing potty mommy stress!  And mostly banish the foul moods over accidents.  Or temptations to try barbaric methods.  I hope.  Just unconditional love.  Gobs of patience.  And stock in...   

Cause I am not above using a Toy Story crutch if I have to.  While we pass through Or Not on our way to  Destination totally Potty Ready.   Waiting for us somewhere on Trevy's timeline.


Anonymous said...

WherEVer did you get that awful cartoon? No - wait. I don't really want to know.

The ultimate (and expensive) solution to much of your wee-wee-woes IS the disposable pull-ups. Well worth a mother's sanity in my book.

No signals from Trevy? Timed trips. That is the extent of my wisdom. Ainel data collection on a spreadsheet with columns including time, place, amount and description.


Go back to diapers until some designated date (week, month) in the future. Don't think about it until then. Having done cloth diapers twice but not for their full babyhoods - how about what used to be know as 'rub-berpants' but more currently called diaper covers?(I think.) - over big boy pants? That is not giving-up. (And from what I read from parents of children with autism, many become potty trained between 6 and 10 years. That is meant to be encouraging.)

WhenEVer he becomes potty trained - his future will be better for it and much longer than it took to get there.

(You are now in the running!)


Ashley said...

My first one wasn't so bad, so I figured number 2 would be a piece of cake since he had an older brother to learn from. WRONG!!! J was very tough. I think I own stock in pullups since he still uses them at night (at 5) and as far as I know he is a normal neuro child. Hang in there!

Wendi Taylor said...

Okay here is another way of looking at it. It's meant to be encouraging, not a "beat mommy over the head for not thinking of it" thing. *smiles* How long has it been since his surgery - the point when the seizure monster was banished & he was able to start learning & developing neural pathways and skills? Count the time from the surgery, to now, and ask yourself - if that was his chronological age, would he be ready for potty training? He'll get there. He just isn't quite ready to notice his body signals - ahem - down there - yet.

blogzilly said...

I keep wondering when we should start thinking about this issue with Bennett. He is 3 years and coming up on a half. Since he does not communicate effectively at all. I don't know when we should start to try, cause we'd run into the same issues of him not telling us when he would need to go. Hell, he can't even tell us now the simplest little thing unless we ask him.

It is such a complicated thing...this world of communication, or lack of it. You don't realize how critical it is to the realization of anything, until you don't have access to it.

I admire your tenacity though...I'd have thrown in the towel and gone back to diapers by now.

Kristen said...

You are doing wonderful!! I know it does not feel like it, but you truely are. I have known Neurotypical children who were not potty trained at four. Sam was not fully potty trained until 5 and is still not trained at night 6 1/2. It is a long winding road and you have to just go with the flow.(no pun intended ;) )
The fact that he is having a 75% pee rate now is amazing. (Just like he is). Keep up the great work (both you and Trevy)

save the wilds said...
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save the wilds said...

this felt like it was about my potty training life right now too! i even laughed out loud at the "don't pee on mickey's face" part because i've found myself saying those SAME phrases in desperation for it to be the thing that works. hang in there, all we can do is keep encouraging, rewarding, and hoping it all comes together before i need to replace the rugs =)

p.s. we have a strict, no diaper, no couch rule at our house that works well! haha.

Sinead said...

As you know, every time I mention how well Emma is doing we have a backward slide. But I like you so I am going to jinx me.

I like our sofa. I even like our stained carpet. Cleaning up pee is not something I want to try to do on upholstery. So I use waterproofs.


You can go cheaper and get gerber plastic pants over the superwhy underpants.

Seriously, I hate to mock, but you put superwhy pants on Trevy - wasn't that just an irony waiting in the wings. You could have had so many superwhy jokes going down....

Back to reality. I started sitting Emma on the toilet in September 2009. I started toilet training in January 2010. She was "really close" in March 2010. She is still "really close"

I have learned "don't take advice from anyone". Every well meaning piece of advice was a messy messy messy diversion and setback.

I have learned that "naked time" is not good for children with sensory issues. Turn your head for less than a minute and you have poop playdough on everything. Cut back to the moment when I mentioned that I like my carpet.

I have learned that sometimes its better to buy a new mattress than try to clean poop out of places.

I have learned that it IS worth $20 for a mattress protector.

I have learned that Emma is ready and that pull ups are counter productive to a child who is smart enough to get what pull ups do.

I have learned that Emma will get there on her time and in her way and that she is awesome.

.........now the jinx...........

Dry day and night since last Friday.

K- floortime lite mama said...

I completely hear you ! It took us a very long time as well
and part of it was our own motivation

Your Therapy Source Inc said...

Loved your comments about working on his timeline. Sounds like you really have the right idea there but not always easy to do. Good luck.

Mama Skates said...

miss your blog...your writing! sorry i'm gone for so long...but i love coming back to catch up (when i should be working ~wink~)