Thursday, October 18, 2012

and I didn’t even notice

 

 

I never thought that would happen.

 

 

That I’d miss it.

 

 

That it would roll right by without melancholy mommy feelings and tears and the whole tide of emotions that typically washes over me when a day like that passes.

 

 

But here it is.  October 18th.

 

 

And October 9th…the day they took half my child’s brain to rescue him from the Seizure Monster…a day I never thought I’d forget…passed right by and I didn’t even give it a nod.  It slipped right by without me noticing. 

 

 

I probably wouldn’t have at all had Jonathan not mentioned it to me.  And when he did, I was truly astounded.  Then I started to wonder what exactly that means?  Because it feels weird knowing that I forgot.  It feels wrong somehow.  Like I should wear black today instead.  And try to conjure up all those emotions I usually battle through this month.  But maybe it’s a good sign?  Maybe it means my heart is healing up a little bit.  Maybe I’m growing?  Or maybe I’m too busy living in the now to cry about the yesterdays?  The now is pretty busy!  Maybe my emotions took a vay-kay to somewhere sunny and warm this year?  Maybe it’s a fluke?

 

 

Guess I’ll find out next year.

 

 

But today, he’s sick with a tummy bug.  And asking me to cuddle up and watch Disney Jr. with him.  No time for tears today even if I wanted to!

 

 

…danielle

1 comment:

teamaidan said...

Your emotions went on a sunny vacation without you? How rude! I wonder what all of this means, perhaps that he's done more amazing things with half a brain then you could ever imagine.