Wednesday, October 9, 2013

four years ago today…



4 years ago today...we'd already hugged and kissed him goodbye by now. I'd run my fingers through his curls one last time. God, I miss those curls. And kissed every inch of his sweet face. Inside my heart was screaming "NOOOOOOO!". There was an intense soul battle raging. One part of me desperate to snatch him off that stupid gurney and run away to the furthest reaches on the earth. The other part knowing we were here to rescue him. Knowing we HAD to be here. My love for him was the gravity force that held me down that day.



4 years ago today...we survived the longest, the most emotionally draining 13 hours of our lives. No day before could compare and no day since has yet to. We spent that day in a waiting room at Detroit Childrens. Feeling so very alone. So far from home. We wanted to wrap our arms around Toby and Bristel but were thankful we had left them behind. Because this was too much for us. It would certainly be too much for them. We watched party after party called to collect their loved ones from the recovery room. Until most of the lights were turned off in preparation for closing down for the night. Until the secretary had long gone home. And security had begun making rounds. And we, who were the first in the waiting room that morning, were also the last to remain. Until I thought if one more minute went by I was going to explode into a million pieces and float away. Because the emotional intensity was that strong.



4 years ago today...I sobbed when the doctors took us to a private room and told us they had successfully removed most of his left hemisphere. Those poor fellows. Asian men are known to be stoic and it was clear they felt awkward with my unrestrained mourning. But one of them had tears glistening his eyes too. My heart knit with his in that moment.



4 years ago today...over 14 hours after we'd kissed him goodbye...we finally saw him again. And he was breathing. Puffy from the fluids. Pale from the blood loss that two transfusions couldn't hide. Wrapped like a mummy. But he was breathing. And in that moment...that was all that mattered.



4 years ago today...our son survived the Nightmare Miracle surgery that would not only save his life but would give it back to him!



4 years ago today...I had never heard my son's voice make any intentional speech. This morning he called "Moooooommy" from his bed when he was ready to wake up. This morning he hugged my neck and said "love you". This morning he told me "No call me Brick" because his new haircut makes him look an awful lot like the youngest child from the Middle. This morning he said "Wednesday. Tuesday Wednesday". This morning he adamantly demanded chicken nuggets for breakfast. And drove me a little crazy with his cheek. Until he returned my "I love you" sign when he was leaving for school. Which melted me from the inside out.



Not every day these past four years has been easy or fun or miracle filled. But when I stop and remember 4 years ago can I be anything other than joy saturated and thankful?


kristi said...

Awesome post!

Brenda Rhodes said...

What an absolutely beautiful, gut wrenching story. I don't know about you, but I sure don't want to think where I would be without the power of prayer. I was just thinking today of 3 major life events that God has seen my family through in the past 5 years. Things we thought we would never come out of Ok on the other side. But you know, that man upstairs knows a whole lot more than we so, if we just have the faith to keep on looking for it. Just like he knew with Trevy! Love your sweet boy and am so very thankful of all the prayers that have been said for him over all these years!! I am saying another one now!

Tatum said...

Beautiful post.

Sandra S. said...

Love. We are just 2 months out from surgery and most of those memories are still fresh in my mind. Its strange how parts of the day you will never forget and parts of the day you never want to remember. <3 Love your writing style :)