oh ME of little faith

She NEVER does that.











NEVER.











EVER.










She always calls me on my cell. I thought it was, like, an unwritten rule or something.










So when I answered the MagicCrap phone I was totally not expecting to hear her voice. And it took an extra second for my brain to register recognition.










It took another few to process what she was saying. Her thick accent. The crappy connection. The emotional tidal wave.










But when it finally sunk in. Sobbing that obviously has been laying dormant for months flooded upwards. And suddenly I was a gasping. Choking. Bawling, Mess.










Embarrassingly so.











But I couldn't help it. Hard as I tried. And I was trying. Cause my mom...and another friend were in the living room with the kids.










But SO flippin' much emotion has been held at bay. And my heart burst like a dam that couldn't hold one more drop. I didn't even realize that I felt this strongly about this.










But when Dr. Neuro told me we were...







APPROVED.TO.GO.TO.DETROIT.











I bloody lost it.











In fact, she finally said, "Danielle...calm down. Stop crying!"











::gasp gasp...blubber blubber...choke choke::











"Didn't you just email me THIS morning that you had people praying?!"












We both laughed. It was TRUE. I HAD emailed her that morning. Yesterday. All brave bluff. And no faith. SO me. SO Him!











::laugh::












Okay....








So even though I'm over the moon about this news. I feel like I need to clarify. That although this option...the brain surgery option...is widely considered a miracle chance amongst IS families. Dr. Rockstar hasn't set anything in stone. Plaster of Paris maybe? There is still testing to do. And surgical committees to approach.









And even should everything move forward in the direction that I'm (and so many others) are praying towards.










This miracle option...is truly. Utterly. Completely. Sick to my stomach-ly.









Barbaric.









And scary. And horrific. And so unreal...that I have a hard time wrapping my heart around being happy about this. It's bizarre on so many levels. Lrvels that really only other IS families will truly understand. In fact...I probably don't even need to voice it for them. I think you guys would all agree? That some IS things don't need words...because we just get it in the gut. This clarification is really more for those that (by God's Grace) will never have to hope for...to pray for...barbaric options. On an intimate level. You're SO totally not off the hook on praying for Trevy!










And this is truly just a mini-step forward. So much to do. So much to fret about. So much to hope for. And organize. And totally freak out about!










BUT WE CAN GO! WE CAN TRY!












Without filing for bankrupcy! That crossed my mind. Seriously. Along with many other super crazy thoughts!











And now I can't stop rubbing Trevy's curls. Which despite Jonathan's shaggy dog comments...I WON'T snip. Just in case. They don't grow back...







::sigh::








This is just the beginning. I know that.











But it just tingles in my soul. That a new chapter is opening...










And I'm not gonna let pessimistic me rule. Not today anyway...











(those that know me best...already know...that I'll keep the deets coming as I get them...)