Friday, May 6, 2011

more than

 

I bought the book ages ago.  The Brain That Changes Itself.  I’ve meant to read it for as long.  It’s just that…well…I never seemed to find the time.  Energy.  Who has any?  Not me.  My own brain has felt so utterly saturated with neuro speak, IEPS, keeping track of a multitude of specialists and the testing they require.  Everything it means to be Trevy’s mommy.  (and don’t forget…I birthed three.  The other two require some space too.)  I’ve been slowly suffocating under the pressure.  Suffocating.  That’s how it feels.  That, or hanging by the tippy tops of my fingernails from a cliff’s edge and feeling that at any moment my grip will release.  And something menacing (the monsters in my life have many faces: fear, bitterness, sorrow, seizures etc) is up there trying to pry them off.  I shared with a girlfriend recently that while it may seem I’ve got my act together.  The reality is…I’m hanging on by a thread.  And my knees are calloused from crying out for Strength to make it through just one more day.  God forbid I should look ahead in my calendar!  I’d really lose it!  One day at a time, Sweet Jesus…one day at a time…  What balance I may have is so very precarious that the slightest breeze (getting Trevy out the door, packing lunches, Toby struggling with Math or Language.  Especially Math, though) can bowl me right over.  And one day soon I’m going to list the many, many ways I don’t have it together (hint: it’s noon and I’m still in the clothes I slept in.  And they aren’t jammies)!  Just in case you’re getting any ideas that I’m Super Woman. I am not Super Woman.  Not even close.  I’m just like you.  Surviving moment by moment. Some moments easier than others.  Some moments leave room for a little Backyard Therapy.  Or laughter (though if you listen really closely is laced with sadness).  Some moments have me just this side of a puddle on the floor.  If I only had the energy to melt…I would.  I need you to know that.  Because seriously.  If there’s one thing I never ever want to be…it’s a self help blogger!  Gag me. 

 

But. 

 

Recently I have had some extra umph.  Not sure what to attribute it to, really?  Maybe it’s because Trevy has been consistently saying two word phrases at least a handful of times a day?  Sometimes we can even understand them!  Happy moments (and there are many more on The Healing Side) do bring fresh swirls of Hope.  Maybe forcing myself to work out a couple times a week is paying off in more energy even if it isn’t in less booty?  Maybe it’s my Psalm a day promise?  Maybe it’s because SUMMER is coming!  Why do I homeschool again?!  Oh yeah.  Because I’m crazy

 

:: wink ::

 

Maybe Jesus is listening to my overwhelmed by this Life You gave me prayers and giving me extra Strength to keep trucking? 

 

Anyway.

 

Whatever it is has prompted me to read a snippet here a snippet there.  From a couple books I’ve had on my Must Read When I Get A Chance list.  This morning it happened to be from The Brain That Changes Itself.  Skimming the chapter titles I choose the last one.  No real reason.  It was a whim.  Or maybe a Nudge? 

 

Guess what the chapter deals with?

Go on…

guess. 

I dare ya!

 

Try the first sentence on for size…

 

“The woman joking with me across the table was born with only half her brain…”

 

Michelle Mack, for reasons yet unknown, was born with only half of her brain.  The left never developed.  Talk about an attention getter.  For this mommy, anyway.  Mommy to Trevy.  Who is also missing a Left Hemisphere.  A point I pound often, I know.  But I think it’s worth repeating.  Lest I ever forget how amazingly courageous he is.

 

Though Michelle and Trevy have a hollow left sided MRI in common  I know that their paths will be different.  Their own.  But still…reading this gave me heart:

 

“She doesn’t like to travel and gets easily lost in unfamiliar surroundings…”

 

Holy Crow…he’s describing Trevy’s Lost Puppy moments!

 

“She has trouble understanding certain kinds of abstract thought.  But…”

 

Somehow I knew that But was going to be a goodie!

 

But her inner life is alive, and she reads, and prays, and loves…Her life is a demonstration that the whole is more than the sum of its parts and that half a brain does not make for half a mind.”

 

Wow. 

 

Just wow. 

 

I’m sure Super Woman would think of a clever way to close this post.  Just more proof that I’m not her! 

 

**Excerpts from pages 258 & 259 of The Brain That Changes Itself.  Click here to purchase your own copy**

4 comments:

lisa said...

I'm so glad you're reading that book! That book gave me so much inspiration and hope when I first read it and I still think of it often...I love that particular chapter too.

With 3 kids and therapy and all the rest no wonder you feel like you're hanging on by a thread. I hope you are going to be spoiled rotten this Mother's Day...you deserve it! Hugs to you!

teamaidan said...

This is such an encouragement and the honesty was just what I needed in this moment. It's all so exhausting and hopeful and exciting at the same time!

Jacob's Mommy said...

Under the heading "Neuroplasticity" on my blog I have a link to a CNN story about Michelle Mack! (Just above the Jacob Fund image on the right sidebar.) It was my first glimpse of hope after Jacob had been diagnosed in 2009.

Anonymous said...

Love that book too, often recommending it to other parents.

Hope you have a good Mother's Day :)

kt x