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overwhelmingly

I woke up this morning groggy.





Seriously groggy.





Like...I'm moving through water. Swirled with sand. Nose barely in the air zone.






I've had quite a few of these days over the past year and a half. I think it's my internal defense mechanism.






You know how some newborns zonk out when they're overstimulated.






That's totally me when life feels overwhelming. I just shut down. And nothing comes easy. Choosing breakfast is enough to melt me down. Everything is a chore. I've read posts...and desperately wanted to comment. Tried even. Only to delete it in frustration. I'm a writer! Words should come easy!






But on groggy days...they don't.







When life is overwhelming me. Nothing comes easy.








And I'm feeling very overwhelmed these days.










Overwhelmed every time I think about the possibilty that our insurance may not agree that we have no choice other than seeing Dr. Rockstar. I'm not looking forward to sorting this out over the next couple weeks...









Overwhelmed every time Trevy has another cluster. Although to be fair...we have seen a decrease in seizures after last Topomax boost.









And speaking of Topomax...it's overwhelming that there is now a generic in the sprinkle capsules. Which means...




A) A brawl over coverage


B) We suck it up and use the generic


C) I crawl back under the covers and let sleep whisk me away for the next few months...so I can stop the maddness in my mind











And I'm overwhemlingly disappointed in myself. That I'm so easily overwhelm-able.









Anyway...



Comments

Anonymous said…
((((((Danielle))))))

Hug of God's peace from da Dawg...
May 24, 2009 at 3:27 PM
blogzilly said…
No need to be disappointed in yourself. The way you feel sometimes is natural, and expected, and understood. You come through when you have to.
May 25, 2009 at 6:06 AM
Monica~ James~ Connor said…
all i can say is amen sista. and to quote that whack-a-do michael jackson, "you are not alone...i am here with youuuuu.." ok how sad is it that i actually know the words to that song...ha ha ha!! [[[hugs}}
May 25, 2009 at 9:51 AM
Holli said…
Hey sweetie...

These funks we get in...are so annoying to ourselves, but totally understandable. If we sailed right through it, we'd be in complete denial.

There's nothing about this disorder that isn't "overwhelming"..Nothing. From one agonizing cluster to the next...one excruciatingly difficult decision after another..

But, you've shown me over and over again that it's normal and once we spill it out, we keep going.

Hope it's looking up in RI!

((((BIG HUGS))))
Holli

P.S. I usually get my fix from Oreos! ;-)
May 25, 2009 at 5:01 PM
Anonymous said…
Ever hear of the saying "Pot calling kettle black"? That's me telling you - don't be so hard on yourself. Ahem.

Easier said than done. (I love cliche.)

I do think it gets better with age. That makes me feel better, too. hehe.

To save me time, just gonna comment all here instead on each of your new posts - 3 in one day?

Stress that is mental - sometimes a person can talk themselves out of it, er, think themselves out of it. Think about it.

Trevy's family is in my daily prayers. Barbara
May 26, 2009 at 1:34 PM
JSmith5780 said…
I'm just as bad right now. I was at my Epilepsy Support Group meeting last night. Someone asked me a question, a question I know I know the answer to and I just sat there. There was literally NOTHING in my brain that I could retreive to form an articulate sentence with. I've had moment like this before, but nothing quite as bad. I literally was blank.

It'll pass right?!?
May 27, 2009 at 6:06 AM
Colby said…
Well, it seems like almost every blog I read tonight sounds like it was written by me! I feel like I am reading about my life....

So if YOU are disappointed in YOURSELF, then I guess I will join in....I am already there with the 2/week migraines!!!

"This too shall pass...."

Fondly,

Cyndi
May 27, 2009 at 8:38 PM
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